A possible Farewell?

This blog had been dead for so long, I don’t think that it’s possible for me to revive it. In all honesty, if I accomplish this, it would once again fall into obscurity anyhow. Regardless, I’ll post something so that it isn’t wasting useful space on the internet.

I’ve never felt so obligated to post something, and this feeling wont go away until I do. Even if it is my last post.

I’ve lived this entire summer on the two sides of a mirror, able to look at myself and the people that I know. The ones I love, I remembered why I love them. And then at times I questioned why I loved them, knowing that I had no choice in it either way. No matter how annoyed they get with me, or vice versa, it will always be the same. I have to remind myself this as I prepare to confess a devastating truth to them.

In reality, it isn’t all that bad, and for personal reasons I won’t list it here. It made me question my sanity, but now I’ve learned to heavily question the sanity of those around me. My conclusion is that we’re all insane according to some touchstone, some standard that we separately follow. I to you, and you to me. But that is okay. It is fine. I don’t love any less, and neither should you.

All of this to say that my dilemma is not the truth itself. My dilemma is how to present it. It is not something that is easily said over dinner, nor something that can be told in passing. It’s one of those things when the time is never right and the people are never ready for it. Not even me. Yet it seems the longer it remains secret, the bigger ripple it will cause through the world. And with a bigger ripple, the length of time also forms a heavy silence within me. The only way is to let it out, let it pass, and hopefully move on. With that, I bid a possible farewell. At least for a long time until my return. At this moment I don’t really know.

Why Prom?

I am very seriously considering the possibility of not going to Prom. I see no point in it. If it’s just like an ordinary dance, and I don’t like dances so much, then what would make it so different (other than the fact that it costs three times as much to go).
Besides actually going through the embarrassment of asking someone to go with me, I see nothing exciting about it. Now, I don’t want to be a complete pessimist, so I guess I’ll consider some reasons why it would be beneficial to go.

-Friends. If the people there are amazing, the party itself could be fun also. Considering everyone will be there, it can’t be too bad.

-Dates. As much as the date is a bad thing, it can also be a good thing. Now me personally, I’ve never asked a guy to anything and I’ve been asked a few times, but when I was asked I never enjoyed myself. My very first “dance date”, whose name started off as Aaron, came out of the closet two weeks after he took me to homecoming (At which he wore the most flamboyant suit). We’re still friends now, but that was possibly the most awkward thing of freshman year.

-After-Parties! This is the main thing that makes me even consider going. I could get a ride to the after parties with my friends. Dances aren’t my thing, but after-parties are completely different. Not to mention it would only be my second limo ride in LIFE (my first being this year).

-The Rebellion. Okay, so this isn’t on most people’s agendas, but whenever my friends and I go to a dance…or whenever my friends drag me to a dance, we do something completely spontaneous, stupid and uncalled for. The last dance (winter dance) it was between a séance in the cemetery and to go see a movie. We ended up seeing a movie during the dance and never really going to the dance. Pity.

So those are the good reasons to go, and the more I think about that last one, the more I’m considering “Yes”. But I’m still unsure. I think the good outweigh the bad in this little scenario.

But then there’s the thought that NOT going would be SO much more fun.  

What should I do?!?!?!











Why Chill?

When it’s been one of those extremely hellish weeks, it’s essential for me to have some ‘chill time’. Testing weeks are always like this for me, and considering they happen just about every two weeks, I am officially a connoisseur at chilling.

Now of course there are the methods of counting to ten and taking deep long breaths- and then there are the ways that are more realistic, and work better for some people. I don’t know about anyone else out there, but inhaling deep breaths just makes me panic even more.  So instead of hyperventilating I try other things such as… Continue reading

Why Be Organized?

It’s a little unbelievable to me that I managed to successfully organize something for my friends and I to do tomorrow. Now, granted that we are not completely in sync on the details, there is still open room for disaster. ‘Horton Hears a Who’ has disaster written all over it, but we’ll give it a shot.

(I’m not sure why I chose this particular movie. I guess I was sort of suggesting it as a joke last Saturday when I was sitting around aimlessly talking to my friends online. It popped up and here we are, going to see it tomorrow.)

I’m really excited not because of the movie. I’m just really glad for the opportunity to hang out with them. It seems that today all of this technology has created distance between the younger generation, yet at the same time I guess it connects us at a different level.
I’m one of those types of people who hates talking on the phone with people because of the five minute conversation gaps when your friend is watching Gossip Girl. I prefer face to face, in person communication…so my friends are always upset that I don’t call them. IT’S NOT MY THING GUYS. sorry.

I can’t text message because my dad would shoot me in the face and take something more precious than life away (like my computer). I do like AIM, but not everyone has a screenname and it’s only fun for like…an hour unless you have a really intense conversation, which is almost impossible with the lack of emotion in conversational instant messaging.

Continue reading

Why Make A Blog?

The reasons that I decided to create this blog, which no one will really see.
+ I had only one blog that I really stuck to, and although no one reads them I find it liberating to be able to write abstractly about things that effect me.
+ I’m a writer, so any practice I can get will ultimately help me.
+ I don’t really have a best friend with whom I could share these feelings, descriptions, and expectations of life.
+ Don’t get me wrong, I have friends. But I haven’t had a “Bestie” since seventh grade. I am now in 11th and it really sort of sucks.
+ I’m not on here looking for friendship, but any sign that someone out there is reading is exciting.
+ I’m thinking perhaps I shouldn’t begin my postings with something like this.

I wanted to do something different, but I do intend to explain the title of the blog.

The title means a lot to me, because of it’s metaphorical meaning. I can not assume anything about the reader’s intellegence, therefore I will put the definition of Touchstone to possibly remind, reassure, introduce, or refresh.

Touchstone: 1 : a black siliceous stone related to flint and formerly used to test the purity of gold and silver by the streak left on the stone when rubbed by the metal 2 : a test or criterion for determining the quality or genuineness of a thing 3 : a fundamental or quintessential part or feature.


Now as the touchstone can identify genuineness, it is important that people are also able to distinguish the true quality of the things in life. Although something may look dazzling, sparkling with the glint of newly polished gold, there can be much deceptiveness in it. It can be wrapped in a tainted aura that can only be decieved by the touchstone, and at times these things are hard to catch.
It is beneficial for people to have such an insight on their own lives. Elements that surround them daily are the pieces of gold and silver constantly in question, and our better judgement is the touchstone, black and heavy with a secret knowlegde. It is something that can not be imitated. By writing things out I find my own tablet of touchstone, and I am better able to assess happenings that occur daily.

Of course it is rare that one finds pure gold. But just as 24 carats of gold are charming, a single carat looks just as elegant.